One good reason to give up chocolate

We had a couple of nights with Barney (Sat and Sun) when he took ages to settle after his feeds. He was upset. I was getting stressed. Nothing seemed to be working. He'd been awake for over 2 hours. So I'd get to my wits end and wake Tom up to take over who would calmly (perhaps because he was half-asleep) rest Barney on his shoulder and take him downstairs for a bit while he got on the computer. Within 20 minutes Tom would return with a sleeping bub who would settle beautifully in his bassinette and stay asleep. Tom is the greatest!

After 2 nights of this I had a good think about what was going wrong and came up with two ideas:
1) I was trying too hard to settle Barney with rocking, patting, pacing the floor etc. and was achieving the opposite by over-stimulating the poor fella so that he couldn't settle; and
2) I was eating too much Lindt chocolate in the evening. As it's very dark chocolate I'm assuming it's also high in caffeine which may have been affecting Barney from my breastmilk and keeping him awake and unhappy.

So, I came to the difficult conclusion that I'd have to give up my vice for at least a week to see if it made a difference. Plus, I stopped trying to over-settle Barney and went back to wrapping him well and putting him in the bassinette with a dummy and just sticking the dummy back in when it fell out and he cried. Well, the last two nights have been wonderful with it taking just 45 minutes to feed, change and re-settle Barney to sleep most of the time. Problem is, I don't know if it's not eating my chocolate or the settling changes that's helped. So I guess I have to give up my lovely Lindt dark chocolate for a while since I definitely don't want a return to Barney being hard to settle at night. The things we do for the ones we love!

Beautiful Beth

We are truly blessed. Before Barney was born I was worried about two things when it came to Beth. First, I was worried about how Beth would act around Barney and whether she'd regress and act out more etc. Second, I was worried about how I would be able to keep giving Beth enough attention. Pregnancy acts as a great stress-buffer so I found I didn't get too worried. And my concerns re-Beth have all been unfounded so far. She has adjusted brilliantly to having Barney around. She is good with him but not smothering or rough. She is patient when I'm feeding him (having various dvd's to put on at that time has been helpful). She'll fetch things for me when I'm feeding too which I really appreciate. She doesn't expect Barney to do much and so is fine with him generally feeding, pooing and sleeping. She likes to be involved with things like nappy changes and will comment on the colour of Barney's poo and that he has a penis. She knows that he's here to stay and that she's a big sister etc. and seems to like that idea. She's received presents from family and friends as well as us but hasn't been spoiled with that. We have also rewarded her with special treats and loads of praise to let her know how much we love her and recognise how good she has been. Beth loves this but doesn't expect it. And because Barney is sleeping quite a lot, there's been lots of time when it's just us with Beth and so she's enjoyed our undivided attention which is really special for all of us. So, hooray for Beth and her lovely nature.

Just a few very cute things Beth has been doing. She loves to sing and will often sing songs to herself when she's having quiet time or playing on her own as well as having sing-songs with us. Her favourite dvd's to watch are "playschool", "the wiggles" and "maisy". She adapted the Maisy theme song to serenade the fact that Barney is boy with different genitalia by singing - "penis, peeenis, penis, penis, penis!
Penis, peeenis, penis, penis, mouse!".
I guess that only makes sense if you know how the Maisy song goes.
She also learnt a wonderful song at daycare which we encourage her to sing. This goes to the tune of "Frere Jacques":
"I am special, I am special
Look at me, Look at me
A very special person, a very special person
That is me, that is me"
We've been trying to film this to put on YouTube but Beth gets all shy half-way through when we do it.

Beth also loves to play pretend. She often says "bye, bye" to me before telling me she's "going to the shops" with her eyebrows raised, wide eyes, a slow nod of the head and a serious expression to convey the importance of this annoucement. I say "bye" and ask her what she's going to buy. She has a think and one of her usual responses is "cake!" but we also get interesting things like "a painting" or the logical like "milk, nanas (bananas), bread". She also likes to pretend to go to the beach and see Harris (a friend who lives at Mona Vale Beach) and get shells. Beth has just started to use her finger raised in front of her to make her point more emphatic when she talks to us. It's so adorable.

Yesterday Tom made a joke at the table about work and I patted his arm a few times when I was replying to him. Beth saw this and came over to me shaking her head and saying "don't hit daddy! don't hit daddy!". We explained that I was patting him not hitting but Beth was quite concerned and asked Tom, "Is Daddy crying?". Once she worked out that he was ok all was forgiven but she's keeping an eye on me. She also told Tom to go into "time-out" today after he did something she didn't like. Mum tells me that I used to tell her and Dad what to do - I think Beth is showing similar tendencies right now. It's cute but I doubt it will be when she's a teenager!

Getting better all the time

Don't read on if you aren't keen on hearing all about the ups and downs of breastfeeding.

Barney is 22 days old and together we've made a better breastfeeding team than Beth and I managed over 2 years ago. I think avoiding major nipple damage in the early weeks has been the main factor. With Beth, I ended up with mastitis after 10 days of breastfeeding due to nipple damage on the right breast. That got worse, ended with being in hospital, abscesses... it was awful.

This time round, Barney has been a more efficient and alert feeder compared to Beth and I think I've been better at getting him attached well each feed which minimised the grazing and soreness of my nipples. Hooray!

Having said that, it's still been really hard work and certainly not pain-free getting breastfeeding established this time round. We seem to have progressed past the toe-curling pain on the right breast when Barney first starts a feed. Thank goodness. But I can't exactly say it's pleasurable yet. I just hope I haven't jinxed it all by writing that it's going well this time round.

I'm glad that some women find breastfeeding straightforward and easy to do. For the rest of us that struggle with it, especially in the early days, don't let anyone tell you it's natural or that you're doing something wrong if it doesn't work for you. It takes a lot of commitment, teeth-gritting and luck for most of us.

What to do?

Being on maternity leave with a newborn who sleeps a lot must be great for shopaholics. You could spend the whole day at the shops, trying on clothes, browsing, eating, wandering etc. etc. There's now great parent rooms for when the baby wakes and wants a feed and then you settle them to sleep again in the pram to the sound of other shoppers and the calming rock of the pram as you wheel it round. Too easy.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to muster up much enthusiasm about shopping. In fact, I find it rather soul destroying and my maximum time limit to be at the shops before my head turns to jelly is about 2 hours. We have a great shopping centre about 5 minutes drive from our place. I went there today with Barney (Beth's in daycare) in order to get a few bits and bobs. It didn't take long before I was sick of the crowds, sick of always seeming to be in other people's way and trying to manoeuvre an unwieldy pram around and sick of people trying to sell me something I don't want.

So we've escaped back home. Barney's in bed asleep and I've taken refuge in some fine Lindt (70%) chocolate. I feel comforted but perplexed. What are some stroller friendly activities I might be able to do while Barney's little? I could do some walking using the Baby Bjorn... it was too windy for that today and I'm worried about our hot Aussie sun on the good days. I need to find some shady walks/gardens. Will get on to that pronto to try to avert turning into a thesis-procrastinating couch potato. I really want to look after myself and get fit now that Barney's born. I tended to comfort eat after Beth was born, especially with all the problems we had with breastfeeding. And I managed to watch all 7 series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in Beth's first 3 months of life. So that's what I'm up against. One more piece of chocolate and then I'll put it away..... oh dear, my reformation is not looking good.

Settled

It's quarter to 8 at night and both our gorgeous kids are asleep in their respective beds. Tom's cooking dinner (bless him!) and all is good with the world from where I'm sitting. We've had a great week and it feels like things are settling down with adjusting to baby Barney becoming part of our family.

Highlights from this week - On Tom's last day of paternity leave we went to Featherdale Wildlife Park. This place is fantastic both for tourists visiting Oz and for kids. It's small enough to only take a couple of hours to stroll around but there's loads of wildlife to entertain and it's really hands-on. Beth got to pat lots of koalas and wallabies and get up close to echidnas, crocs, dingoes, emus, tassie devils, turtles, snakes, lizards, pelicans, all kinds of birds, farm animals and more. She loved it. Tom's got some great photos on his flickr website of us there. It was a great way to end our time together as a family before Tom had to return to work the next day.

Friday - the early childhood nurse, Deborah, visited Beth, Barney and me at home to see how we're all going. Barney is already 200gms heavier than his original birth weight of 3.6kgs. This was really good to know since Beth took a while to regain her birthweight as a bub and it caused us needless anxiety at the time. I'm glad Barney's getting what he needs from my breastmilk and hope that continues. All of Barney's other checks were fine and Deborah's comments were that he's thriving. I like that word for describing our son. I then took Beth and Barney to playgroup to show him off to my friends from mother's group. Everyone thought he was adorable and he slept beautifully through our time there whilst Beth raced around with her mates. Friday avo, Mum brought Beth's cousins Alex and Annabel around to visit. Beth just adores Alex (he's 8) and follows him around like a puppy. Alex is great with Beth. They found some musical instruments and formed a very noisy band procession that went all around the house which amazingly Barney slept through. Annabel made Mum and I food in Beth's toy microwave. Then I got Barney up so that Alex and Annabel could see him before they left. I think Beth is much more fun for them right now but they'll enjoy Barney more as he wakes up a bit more.

Saturday - Spent the morning at my folks place, Tanglewood, catching up with Dad who'd just arrived home from business overseas. It was a gorgeous, sunny day and it was so relaxing to hang out on their verandah out the front looking out to the garden. Beth had a bit of a kick around with the soccer ball with Dad, Alex and Annabel. Barney slept - are you spotting a pattern here? My best friend Dani dropped around with her fiancee Todd Sat avo. Then we had a family "quiet time" that Beth managed to sustain for over 2 hours! So we felt quite rested after that and ready for the evening of movies and night feeds. Tom and I watched Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey - still funny after all these years. I went to bed at 10pm but came down to join Tom at 11.30pm for Barney's feed and to watch Arsenal V Tottenham on the telly. Arsenal won the game 3-1 and Tom was ecstatic! It's incredible how much his mood depends on the victories and defeats of his team. So I'm really glad they won - the goals were brilliant. But I also feel sorry for our mate Nick who's a Tottenham supporter and was at the game in England.

Sunday - We had lunch with our friends Mark and Tanya and their son Ollie at a family friendly pub that has a kids playground and clowns on sundays. Beth played with some other kids apart from when she ate hot chips for lunch. She also had her face painted by the clowns and was very excited about this. Barney slept the whole time. So we seem to have worked out being out and about fairly well. I'm still not keen to have too many feeds when we're out; mainly because I'm not great at breastfeeding discreetly yet and it's harder to do this when the babies are very little. Since Barney feeds about every four hours it's been pretty easy to plan feeds around when we're out.

So that's our life at the mo. Tom's back at work tomorrow and Beth's in daycare so it's just me and Barney at home. I think we'll head out for a bit but I'm also thinking our back garden and particularly our hammock will play a major role in my day tomorrow. Life is good!

Out and About with Barney

We've managed a few outings so far with Barney and Beth. On our first excursion it took us nearly two hours to get out of the house from when we first talked about getting ready to go. And that wasn't just because I phaff around a lot. When it's Tom and I we have Beth in the stroller and Tom carries Barney in our baby bjorn frontpack. That's pretty straightforward and easy since Barney's so little right now. I ventured over to a friends by myself a few days ago and managed to get Beth and Barney in and out of the car without either being run over or dropped on their head. It was ok but will be quite a juggle on daycare days and shopping trips etc. So far we haven't needed to use the double stroller (it's almost as wide as it is long!). I think I've forgotten how to unfold and then fold it up again so better sort that out before it's needed. It's ridiculous how much paraphenalia you need with two kids really. It makes staying at home seem very attractive as it's exhausting just thinking about getting organised to go out.

Tom and I took Barney to his first movie today whilst big sis was at daycare. We saw the Bourne Ultimatum - thoroughly enjoyed it. The cinema we use has crying rooms which are usually empty apart from us (as was the case today). So it's like having your own private screening room and it doesn't matter if you want to chat while the movies going. Barney fed for the first hour or so of the movie and then slept for the rest. The tricky part was trying to start his feed in the pitch black. We ended up using the backlight of my mobile phone to see when his mouth was open to attach him. I probably should have waited a bit longer for breastfeeding to be more established before attempting this but it all worked out fine.

Barney's sleeping, feeding and settling really well. We're giving him tummy time after most feeds and he already has really good head strength. In the early days of breastfeeding you get to gaze for long periods at your child's profile as they feed. I could almost draw the shape of Barney's ear for you and I start to make pictures out of the curves in his ear. I always see either a cat or dwarf with an oversized beanie on. Barney on the other hand is always looking straight ahead at goodness knows what. I sometimes wonder if I startle him when I move my hand quickly toward my breast as I can't tell how clearly he can focus and what he can make out. We have some intense staring sessions now when I try to smile at him and have a little friendly talk. He's not up to responding as yet but he sort of moves his mouth in a way that I've decided is friendly too. Bless him.

All right, he can stay

Barney has given us the gift of two nights in a row of good sleep. Last night he fed at midnight (a long-ish feed though) and didn't wake for his next feed until 5.40am! It was wonderful. So we've officially welcomed our little boy into the clan and won't be taking up the 30 day return, no questions asked option.

We'd forgotten how many nappies you have to change in a newborn. About ten minutes after you have changed the last one, Barney gets a wistful look in his eye before we hear the tell-tale squirt of another poo that needs changing. At least the smell is ok.

Beth is as cute as ever and adjusting remarkably well to life as big sister. She's interested in Barney and likes to be around him but hasn't tried to whack him yet. Last night she was asking for "pink yoghurt" (strawberry yoghurt) after she finished dinner. We told her we didn't have any; it was "all gone". She replied, "pink yoghurt lost". I love how her mind works.

Another marathon

We had another night of frantic feeding on Barney's part. I'm hoping that's done the trick for my milk supply to be matching what the little fella wants now. By 6.30am I started to feel like I was a tad crazy with the need for sleep and thankfully Barney decided he was ready to slumber too. Just as he was blissfully settled in our room at ten to 7, a horrendous motor sound began outside. I looked out our window and some tradesman had just arrived next door and was running this contraption. That tipped me over the edge. I began to laugh hysterically and begged Tom to go out and stab the man. Luckily Tom had slept all night and remained level-headed telling me he thought doing that might stuff up his paternity leave. Got to sleep and am now sane again - sort of.

Beth meets Barnaby at the Hospital

This is a video Tom took of Beth meeting Barnaby when he was just a few hours old at the hospital. Too cute for words! When we left the hospital the next day, Beth said "Bye bye Barnaby's house" as we drove away. We think she understands that Barney is living with us permanently now. When Tom got her up yesterday morning her first words were, "Where's Barnaby?". So that's good. Still, interesting times to come perhaps.

Barnaby at 5 days old

We have officially joined the world of the sleep deprived. Barney was awake and wanted to feed all through last night between about midnight and 7.15am this morning. Beth never did this so I hadn't been prepared but the midwife had warned me Sunday morning to expect it. There is a positive spin to it all as Barney's hunger means my milk has come in and hopefully we won't have too many more completely sleepless nights. Hang on a mo - why am I saying "we" since Tom did sleep through the night? Lucky him. Still he doesn't cope as well with interrupted sleep so he's having loads of kips in the day too when he can.

There's something about feeling like you're the only person awake in the world in the early hours to get you thinking about things. Nothing too deep - too tired for that. But it was lovely bonding with Barney. He's so alert! He can express everything to me with his eyes, mouth and hands so far. Most of the messages are that he's hungry - that's always a good one to pick up on. Last night it felt like everytime he'd fallen asleep nicely at the end of a feed and I was just wrapping him up to put in the cot, he'd jerk awake and look at me indignantly. Then he'd start opening his mouth up in a cute little round motion and try to eat his hand. He's good at getting his point across. He also likes trying to fling himself off my shoulder in order to get in the position for feeding to let me know he's ready too. Subtle.

Beth was in daycare today so we got to enjoy Barney in a peaceful house until Tom picked her up at 5pm. She's coping brilliantly with our new addition. She hasn't become unsettled with her routine as yet so she's going to bed at 7pm which gives us a break in the evening and me a chance to go to bed early. She also seems to be calming down a bit around Barney so he's less likely to be poked in the eye or have her shout right next to him, "Hello Barnaby!".

So all is going well and our memories of caring for a newborn seem to have come flooding back to us after a two year break.

What happened next?

My last post said that we'd be going to the hospital Wednesday morning for my waters to be broken and get labour going. In the end, things didn't work out that way so I thought I'd write a bit about the events of Wednesday and Thursday - resulting in our beautiful baby boy being born.

Wed 29th 8am - arrived at Hospital. Had been experiencing some definite contractions since 6am but nothing frequent or major. Tom and I were all psyched up for having our baby by this afternoon one way or another. Tom in particular was really excited and positive which was good for me. Then we were advised by the Consultant and Senior Registrar to think about delaying breaking the waters until Friday and hoping that spontaneous labour starts before then. They told us this would be our best chance of having a natural delivery. So, we opted for this. The doctor "swept my membranes" which can get contractions happening well and we left the hospital feeling a tad bemused but optimistic.

9.30am - Went to Hornsby shopping centre and was aware of ongoing contractions - they mainly hurt in my back area. Bought a back massager and then left as the atmosphere and people wasn't too conducive to focusing on managing the contractions. Went to a nearby park and bushland area and worked out that stomping my legs and counting "1-2" out loud and moving my arms in time took the edge off the back discomfort during contractions. Tom did this with me - we must have looked hilarious to passers-by since we were stopping to do this every five to eight minutes. Went to our local shops for Tom to get lunch and stomp in front of some more people.

1pm - Called Mum to tell her we thought we were in labour and asking her to keep looking after Beth for us. Sent her into a fluster - but in a good way.

3pm - Had a lovely hot bath. Called the hospital to let them know what's happening. First advised to stay at home until contractions became more frequent and regular (still coming 5-8 minutes apart and lasting 45-60 seconds) but then they called back and asked us to come in to err on the safe side and see how I was progressing. Realised on the way to the hospital that Tom didn't have his wallet - both of us too flaky to think straight about when he last had it. Usually this would have really annoyed me - funnily enough it just wasn't a priority at this point in time.

5pm - Monitored for a bit at hospital. Still only 3-4 cms dilated and contractions not regular yet. Told this is early labour and things were happening but not particularly quickly. Given the option to go home after midwives were happy that bub wasn't distressed. Wanted to be at home rather than at the hospital so decided to go. Drugged up with temazepam (sleepers) and panadeine forte for the pain and advised to try to sleep!

8pm - Got home. Drowsy but could not sleep through the contractions. Stomped some more.
Tom cancelled his credit card (at least one of us was on the ball).

10.30pm - Back in the bath and Tom starts timing the contractions again. Ranging from 3-6 minutes apart about the same length as before. By 11.15pm Tom insists we call the hospital and we're advised to come in again.

Midnight 30th August - Arrive at hospital. Used a hot water bottle on my back to survive the car trip there. It all feels very surreal in the middle of the night to be in labour and knowing that bub will arrive sometime in the next 24 hours. Our midwife Heidi gets all the monitoring set-up so that bubba's heartbeat and my contractions are being graphed. Although I'm still only 4cms dilated the cervix is nice and thin and Heidi assures us this is typical for first labour. She tells me she can feel the waters below bub's head and is almost tempted to break it - I'm glad she doesn't.

1am - Heidi consults with the Doctor. They decide they'll let me labour until about 5am and then they'll break my waters then to really get things going. This way, if I do need an emergency caesar there'll be more staff around after 5am than in the middle of the night. Tom crashes out on the couch to get some rest. It's amazing how well he can sleep anywhere, anytime. I stay on the bed with the hot water bottle behind my back and I try to relax and breathe through the contractions. Heidi offers me pethidine but I don't fancy it. Spend the next 3 1/2 hours in this way mentally reciting the mantra "one contraction at a time" with each one. Feel like an AA convert.

4.45am - I'm now 5 cms dilated and the cervix has thinnned. Dr. Josh Florida arrives and breaks my waters. I immediately throw up. There's meconium in the waters which keeps gushing out with each contraction. Heidi attaches a fetal heart monitor to bub's head so that they can get a constant heart-rate. This is great since it means I can get off the bed and move again. If bub gets distressed I know it will mean emergency caesar. So far, baby's coped brilliantly and I'm hoping that will last. Tom comes with me into the bathroom and I have hot water jets directed onto my back and belly to cope with the contractions. I'm doing a lot of swaying and moaning to manage the intensity of it. Heidi keeps coming into check on how we're doing. She can tell it's upped in intensity. I tell her I'm worried I'm pushing because the pain is so low now. She says it's the baby moving down and that's ok. She tells me to let her know when I get a pushing urge and that I will know when I get it. Tom is amazing. He helps me stay focused; telling me it's healthy pain, the baby's moving down, my body is doing what it should, baby's nearly here.

6-ish? - Suddenly I get a pushing urge. Heidi's right it's unmistakable and irresistable. I tell Tom and he races out to get her. Now it's all go. Heidi's on her knees and tells me she can feel baby's head. I yell as loud as I can with the pushing urge while I'm in the bathroom - yelling feels good. Heidi throws towels over me and says she needs me back on the bed. Tom tells me he can see the baby's head. I can't quite believe it. I thought it would take longer to get to the pushing stage. I was convinced Heidi would tell me I wasn't ready to push even though I had the urge. It feels so good to know that we're nearly there, baby will be born soon. Heidi talks me through how to push - to get all my energy down to the birth canal and "bear down". I push about three times with each contraction - it's bloody hard work but Tom and Heidi are enouraging me all the way and telling me baby's coming. I can feel the head. After three contractions bub's head is out. I still can't quite believe it. As we rest and wait for the next contraction I babble to Tom that I can feel baby kicking me inside my uterus whilst bub's head is out of my body. Truly bizarre.

6.19am - With the next contraction I push baby out and Heidi flops up bub onto my belly. I ask what sex baby is. Heidi says, "you tell us". Then Tom looks and says, "It's a boy!". He's all slippery and wriggly and he's all ours. Everything feels surreal. I'm so happy and relieved that he's arrived. Tom's grinning from ear to ear. He cuts the baby's cord. Delivering the placenta swiftly follows. Then there's the annoyance/distraction of having stitches which for some reason I find harder to deal with (pain-wise) than the labour. Once that's over - Tom and I get to enjoy our little boy. Barnaby Edward Goodfellow. I keep saying over and over how beautiful he is. I'm instantly in love with him (which didn't happen with Beth). I think the euphoria of surviving labour must help with this. I'm overwhelmed with emotion. We did it!